Honestly I’m not sure what’s going on in my marriage. Sometimes, I think I’m losing my mind for no reason. Then again, I feel something really wrong is going on. Let me give a bit of background.

I’m in my early 30s and I’ve been married for about 3 years without kids. My husband and I live in a European country and we have a great relationship. I have a BFF, let’s call her X.

She’s about my age but older by two years. Our parents worked for the same oil company and were very friendly with each other. We both went to the same secondary school in Nigeria, ended up in the West together for uni and have had loads of fun times together.

She knew my husband from the days of toasting to dating and marriage. To be fair to her, she has been so supportive. When I had no one or money difficulties as a student, she was there for me in a way no one could. A friend who is closer than a sister.

My problem is with her closeness with my husband. My husband and I are not from the same tribe. When marrying overseas, you can’t be filtering for tribe. However, X is from the same tribe as my husband.

Sometimes, the way they gist in their local dialect makes me uncomfortable, always laughing crazily like teenagers. In all my years of marriage, I haven’t enjoyed that the banter that they have.

Whenever when they discuss in English like when we all hang out together, I feel like the third wheel. Sometimes, my gut tells me she is flirting with him with her general body language and the way she makes faces at him. The fact that X was she was a wild chic at university just makes uneasy.

My husband doesn’t even seem to restrain her or himself, like I think a married man should. She hasn’t done anything overt. It is the nudging him in the ribs, the rubbing of his head or even gentle tugging of his beard that is making me go crazy. The way she laughs at his jokes; jokes that are not even funny. She is too damn relaxed in his presence.

She has even this nickname for him in their dialect. When my hubby got a promotion and we all went out to eat, X came to the restaurant dressed to the nines and wearing this incredible fragrance. Then she gave him this bear hug that I felt lasted for too long. I don’t feel all this is normal but I don’t want to be a prude.

I know she is not seeing anyone, she would tell me if so. Her life has been a bit scattered so she hasn’t cultivated a serious relationship. She’s prettier than I am and I know she shouldn’t have any problem attracting guys.

What can I do? I can’t just cut her off abruptly or ban her from her house. It would be odd and besides, we have a lot of mutual friends. To be fair to my husband, he hasn’t given me any tangible reason to be suspicious but you know what they say about naija men.

I don’t know of anytime they have been in the same place without my knowledge. But he is not helping matters the way he always invites her for events or compliments her or things like that.

I can’t confront husband because I may be making a mountain out of a mole-hill. The last thing I want is to be called a jealous wife. I can’t tell my parents because they never supported my marriage from the outset (tribal issues) and I want to prove them wrong.

I already have enough stress from work and trying to start a family. I feel so worn out. What do I do?

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239 COMMENTS

  12. Maybe ur best friend was d one DAT connected u and ur husband. I guess she knew him before u. Just try and tell ur husband in a polite and respectful way that u don’t like the way they re close. Talk to him about it OK. I do hope he understand and do something about it.

  16. Nawa.oooo. Nigerian ladies Lack mentality. they cannot trust their fellow woman. so if your friend is close to your husband dose it mean she is dating your husband. we men always trust ourselves. I always leave my girlfriend with my Guy to look after her when ever I travelled cos I trust and I cannot suspect him. if u don’t cheat on your husband u will not suspect your best friend

  21. Your question is like asking I have a goat and it likes coming close to my yam,should I be worried???if you have another yam,you can take the risk and find out if the goat will eat the yam,if not carry your yam commot near the goat.

    • What are you saying? I had my first relationship with a man in my final year. My first bf, slept with his blood brother’s girlfriend that I accommodated in my room. I took the bitch as my sister. I actually saved her life from an asthma attack by rushing her to the hospital with my savings. She survived and I brought her back to the hostel. I went to visit my dad and the bitch finally moved from flirting with the boy to sleeping with him. My first experience taught me never to trust nobody. I saw the signs but I felt she can’t do such with two brothers. She got close to him through me, acting like a future sister in law. I was dumb* to trust him, thinking that he loved his younger brother and would never want to dishonour him by f**king his girlfriend, but he did it behind my back. So, what are you trying to say? Did I snatch another person’s bf? No. Did I betray any of my girl friends? Hell no! Pain can happen to you, even when you have a good heart towards everyone. I am traditionally married and about to wed, but I trust nobody. No female that I know is close to my hubby and none that I know will ever be. Even his female cousins will not dare flirt with him in my presence. People don’t respect blood, talk more of loyalty.

  38. Are you asking us what to do you must be very stupid. And am sure your stupidity is worrying you by now . In fact idiot is your name. Just Wasting my mb to comment on this useless post. Ni sha

  40. You are stressing your mind. The problem here is that “she is too close to your husband” then your imagination keeps disturbing you. “Show me your friend, and I will teLl u who u are”.. You should know what your friend is capable of doing ( making your husband cheat on you). If she is that kind of person. Tell her to her face that she is coming too close to your husband and u don’t like it. Take serious action. Don’t mind if u lose the friendship.

  52. Lol, this post is funny. How did s get close to your husband? This isn’t something to worry about. Tell her you don’t like her closeness with you husband, she should know her boundaries. In fact she should stay away, If she won vex make she vex. There’s no best friend in marriage, your best friend is supposed to be your husband.

  55. And u r here asking, nonsense question. Oh, must u wait for public advice before u confront ur hubby on how u don’t feel comfortable with ur friend around him and that u love him and trust him and then u both politely tell ur friend to give u guys space and stay away from ur home. Anyway u brought d closeness u alone with wisdom got to end it with ur hubby’s support seeing his support ur friend will stay off and will not go sneaking behind u calling or talking to him. I hope u r friend and close enough to ur hubby to do this. Practice friendship with ur hubby,gist and relax him girl.

  59. All depend on you,if you really know who your husband is,….if you trust your husband not your friend nothing will happen,…but if your husband still belong to the other room,.. Please stop your husband from your friend,….. Sound your friend a serious worning ,…..not by quelling your friend or husband,… But in a mature way,..becox I know what some women can do

  64. Hahaha… Your hubby should be your best friend. End the closeness immediately in the best way that you seem fit. Talk it out with your husband and say goodbye to that friendship. I hope it isn’t late already. You can’t keep a goat (hubby) tied to a tree (unnecessary friendship) along with a lion (so called best friend) You are asking for trouble. No female that I know is close to my hubby. He can keep “just” female friends from his office or past that should be well explained. However, for females that I know, he is off limit and the that’s my style. My hubby is my best friend since our dating days. Be wise and careful babe.

  65. My dear, first of all there’s nothing like best friend these days, you hear a lot of people saying it, but it’s only few that believe in true friendship. So becareful with who you allow into your home and your man’s life.

  83. Wow what a funny post… Your husband is your own husband and your responsibility, please never allow your friend to be too close to your husband. So,the person who suppose to get rid of her ( your friend ) is you. Moreover your husband should be your best friend!!

  84. Is ur friend married? If not den stop keeping girls dat are still single as friends ok, dis very one u talking of don’t be close wit her again bt don’t confront her nor ur husband, be at arms length wit her, in dis case if she has bin doing any funny tin wit ur hubby she will feel u av known n stay clear. Also b prayerful ok.

  90. Hmmmm””” my dear sister U better becareful, bcus TWO things are involved, Is either she takes ur husband frm you or she finds a way of breaking ur home pls be wise. Go to God in prayers ask him to separate them or let there be confussion b/w then.

  91. To avoid stories that touches the heart tell your girlfriend to stay away from your hubby Co’s there’s a limit to everything, and to crown it all a married woman ‘s best friend is supposed to be her hubby and no one else. You can’t keep a bone for a dog and tell it not to eat it neither will you keep a yam for a goat and it won’t eat it. I can’t even imagine how you allowed your girlfriend that close to your hubby! A word is enough for the wise.

  92. I thought ur husband is suppose to be ur best friend ? Pls Na u brought her oooo u Na stop her. Cos for u to even voice it out meaning something strange is happening. Pray God intervine for u.

  98. My dear,if u best Friend is well mannered she wnt be dat close to ur husband,infact nw dat ure married she is supposed to be seeing u once in a while to give u dat marital respect.my dear its not allowed tell her to stop coming dat close if not,any slite quarrel u nd ur hubby will have,he will take it to her nd trust me,men are like babies,if she shows him a little care he will succumb u will den be di bad person,things u dnt knw abut ur husband u will knw.so be wise friend no dey for dis one

  101. I’m not surprised seeing many Ladies here now are good advisers and innocent,what will now happen to the ladies that love dating married men, oh…you want to be happy abi, when you’re single you make another woman cry,now you want have only your husband to your self alone it will not work, what goes around comes around…

  105. If truly is ur husband it’s better u loose d bad friend n keep ur marriage bcos God honoured marriage a lot except u have another one den u leave this one for ur friend dey no dey tell person

  106. You’re scared because all of you are not born again, if you are a child of God u can’t be afraid nd more over if ur husband is born again the Word of God wud hve be more closer to him instead of ur girl friend!

  115. Be too close to her husband too.
    Meanwhile ensure not to give her privacy with your husband.
    Sometimes use indirect sarcasm to let her know you are uncomfortable with her presence around your hubby.
    Sometimes remind her sarcastically that your home is monogamous.

  117. Hahaha like my father once said ,if ur friend is found of liking anything that u liking always, den you have to cut him or her off or else ….she or him gonna get u killed just one day hahaha hey? Pls cuth her off just now as am seeing u OK

  118. Not all friends can be trusted.. We hv some evil ones among friends that do envy der friends and do go extra mile to distroy ur marriage.& achieve der aim. Talk to ur hubby dat u’re not comfortable wit it, even ur hubby ex- still wishes to come back,, one should be wise & keep ur home jealously & wit prayers. Sometimes trust won’t be able to work out in dis issue, dat’s why we ladies shouldn’t be careless or hv carefree attitude. Silence sometimes doesn’t bring solution. GOD OF THUNDER will quench any friends or strange pple DAT want to destroy our marriage. AMEN Provided “IF” d woman is faithful to her husband.. Flew frm bad friend & keep less female friends ladies

  123. Na by force? Can’t you tell her u don’t like her relationship with your husband? Is as simple as that,talk it out with your husband too, and by the way u don’t really need single ladies as friends even married.your husband should be your best friend

  128. I don’t understand, u call her ur best friend, don’t u trust her,if u say she is ur best friend, u should kwn what she can ad can not do or are just imagining tins,because I am very close to my best friend husband, he tell tin,he can not tell his wife for some reason, dat does not mean we have something because d trust is there,I don’t see dat as a problem, except u are tell us u don’t trust ur husband too

  148. Wat is ur single frnd doing with ur husband? Y can’t she give u guys space,cus me I nor like insult atal, dats y if any females around me whether me older Dan u or not,immediately u first me locate ur suitor n I attend ur marriage to congratulate u n ur hubby den present wat I can afford den go,my going I cut hw I go close to u even chatting with u self I will hardly ask u hw ur hubby.I can only ask hw family n if u re nt working, I will advise u look for sumtin doing simply,wetin I want use going close to u n ur hubby take do.

  160. If d gal doesn’t flirt with ur man den ur man may develop a lustful interest in her which may eventually affect ur marriage cos too much closeness may just be wrong for dem but u don’t have to be rude about it in oda not to offend ur man, talk to ur man abt u being uncomfortable with it n make ur frnd undastnd in a way dat wouldn’t seem like u re accusing her of something she hasn’t done, Trust is good but sometimes mistakes can occur n u really don’t want dat. Define their closeness n if she’s not comfortable with it, U know wat next to do.

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